he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
