guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize