I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We need a shit load of segways right now
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
