I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
