God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
