i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
