dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
