I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
