The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
