she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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