Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
we should paint friendship bongs
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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