i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
