I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
