I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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