walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize