I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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