Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
