you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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