I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
