The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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