so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
