So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
