i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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