How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize