There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
