He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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