Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
