So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
