I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
