You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
