Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
