Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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