Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just found a bag of teeth...
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
