my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
