Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
