There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
