Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
