At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
my shit smells like andre
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
