her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
