3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I met the friendliest cop last night
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Randomize
