I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
