I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
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