OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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