Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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