i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
