I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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