I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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