Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
