haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
