with your own penis?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
