I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
