Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
