don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
