Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
