if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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