dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
