Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
