I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I wish you could order shots online.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
