It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
