I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I smell stomach acid.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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