i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
