I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
