Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
