My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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