It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize