So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I have fence marks all over my body
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
