ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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